Thoughts From Detroit-Metro

I can't tell if it's sleep deprivation or if my brain just can't comprehend this reality. I walk through the airport passing by a screen in which a woman relays the top, most important news. With headlines like "Water Beds for Cows" what are we supposed to think? Do people actually take these things seriously? Or am I the only one, and everyone else knows it's all a big joke? I like to walk by and examine people's faces, their body language. A woman hunched over, worry jumping across her face. I wonder if this is the first time she's flown, if thoughts of terrorists and burning planes are roving through her head. Maybe she's heading to a distant city to attend the funeral of someone dear. I am here at the airport far too early and all I am doing is sitting waiting for these inane thoughts to infiltrate my brain. After spending the past 24 plus hours frantically finishing everything I thought would take a few hours (of course allowing myself ample time to sit and drink wine, eating rich chocolate desserts and chatting with friends) I sit in the airport in a daze wondering how on earth I pulled that one off. Because I never let anything just be easy I have to move out of my house on the same day I leave the country. And in a way right now I am homeless, car-less, jobless and very nearly possession-less. I spent the entire night sobbing frantically and now I'm dried up of tears and emotions. Change is never easy. Departures are only sometimes easy. Leaving everyone you love behind to go off into completely foreign territory for an indeterminate amount of time is absolutely heart-wrenching. But I wouldn't be able to leave otherwise. It seems you have to make peace with a place, love it, call it your home before you're given some sort of unspoken permission to leave. I loved my life, every aspect of it, so of course I ditch every part of it and take off. Sometimes I question my sanity and sometimes I just go with it. I suppose that in order to go forward, move on, grow and evolve we must first destroy, die, demolish everything we believe, everything we hold onto, everything we take for granted. As I sit here listening to the intermittent overhead announcements about airport "security" I feel bits and pieces of myself evaporating. Aspects of myself that defined me but are really not who I am. I am not my job, my house, my car, my hobbies, my friends. As I let everything go I become lighter and lighter. Soon I will be floating, flying, riding with the clouds. Leaving everything behind that temporarily needs to be left behind to discover what is this being I call myself. Perhaps I'm already getting too deep into things. That cup of coffee after a sleepless night and too much time on my hands is leading me down interesting paths. But as I let go, I am able to now immerse myself. In the people, the places, the experiences. I know that I will always come back to myself though. No matter how far we travel, or how far we stray, we always come back to who we really are. Forgive my caffeinated, sleep-deprived morning ramblings. In a short time I will board my first plane. We'll see what sorts of adventures await me in the next city...